Just...

 over it.  I'm just over it.  I have to write to process some of this, but I don't even know where to start.  Or where it will end.  The house + the house= the houses.  We can't afford one of them, much less both of them.  We can't sell the other one, so it's rented out but the rent doesn't even cover the cost of the mortgage.   I haven't had a damn closing in over a year, so I went to work for the school system last year to make a little (very little) money, but mostly so that we would be able to get some health insurance.  Mike is working as hard as he can, and we're just trying to make ends meet.  I just cashed out the last of my life insurance a few months ago, so that we could try to keep going.  We're out.  Out of money, out of energy.  So tired of trying, and spinning my wheels, and not getting anywhere. Just trying to hold it all together.  And failing.  Jensen asked me a couple of days ago, "Are we going to lose our house?"  All I could say was, "I hope not.  We're trying."  What a kick in the gut from a 7 year old, who is wise beyond his years, and worried about things he shouldn't have to worry about.  We can't modify the loan on our old house, because we don't live in it.  We can't modify the loan on our current home because we refinanced it last year to get a better interest rate, and the loan had to be originated before January 2009.  Ours was originated February 6th, 2009.  I keep trying to put my faith and trust out there, and hope that everything will work out.  I just don't see how it can.  I'm just stuck.  Tired.  Sad.  Stressed.  Over it.  Out of money, out of energy, and out of hope.